Journalling choice challenge

Freedom? Routine? Is the time ripe? What matters?

I was thinking yesterday, maybe a good measure of when I have given myself too much to do is when I don't find the time to write about it. I've been struggling with this now for 3 days. It's not as if I've spend every hour in deliberately purposeful activity – far from it – but that there is too much to digest ‘on the hoof’ as one might say. And of course there is a vicious circle here. If I wrote about something, at least, then the rest of all the different activities thronging for a voice would have a little more room, a little more chance. But where to start? Let me list what I feel is the backlog.

Some very pleasant work in the garden on spring days with warm sunshine – but maybe that is not ideal for reflection.
Some very thought-provoking conversations with Ria and Helen – they have been challenging, and I haven't yet digested them enough to start writing. But I want to investigate parts that might be able to be expressed.
Playing chess on Chess.com with Michael in Lancaster. I do think that brings up some valuable issues from my past, some of which came into the above conversations. What was the significance of chess in my early life? On the other hand, maybe it is too obvious to me.
Some unexpected singing (remote style) contributing to a wonderful video inviting local Art of Hosting practitioners to meet in Belgium, by STI.LL – I could write a lot of psychologically important material about singing, and maybe how I feel it complemented chess.
Even more stimulating conversations around Knowledge Commons – very much signalling to me that this is a good place to go. I've written plenty about that already, and will surely write more, so no need to try to squeeze in more here.
A meeting about collective presencing practice in the context of projects – lots to reflect on here, but does that make any kind of worthwhile story? There is more to be thought through here about journalling: when has an activity or a thought been lived enough to be a good time to write about it? It's possible to try too early on, I think.
Starting to read a book which I find completely fascinating: “R.D. Laing & Me: Lessons in Love” by Roberta Russell. I did read “Knots” as a student, and still have a copy, but this one passed me by. Even in the first 80 pages, there is so much to reflect on, much of which I find relevant to me, somehow. That substituted for writing this journal for one morning.

I've had good experiences from writing over the last two months, so I get the feeling that journalling helps me sort things out in my mind. Leaving them unsorted is not so good. Hence the feeling that I would really like to refrain from doing so much that I can't write properly about the things that call to be written about. I feel this is particularly important for me, as, I imagine like many people (men in particular) it is easy for me to sideline important emotions through excess activity. Sort of “no time to worry about that now, must get on with …”. Which does strike me now as a less than entirely satisfactory way of living. To be fair, excess activity is probably less harmful than anæsthatising oneself with alcohol, as so many people do, even some well-known people – R.D. Laing among them, according to the above book.

An idea that I may already have written about comes back to me. If you don't know what to write, then write about the difficulties of knowing what to write, and what may be related to those difficulties. That's what I find myself writing about right now.

What comes to my imagination is the image of ripeness. Eating fruit before it is ripe is unrewarding.

Running is what I have not been doing. Nor indeed much cycling. Over a couple of weeks I seemed to have pulled a muscle in one leg, which rules out running any more than very gently. Exerting oneself without preparation is less advisable as one gets older. So: habit; routine; practice; all have their place. And journalling is one of these matters which need these.

I notice a reluctance to establish any fixed habit. Why is that, I wonder? Something to write about another day.

Topics: Journal writing

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